I have a character flaw. One that I thought I mostly did away with, but it still creeps beneath the surface waiting to attack at the right moment. I can be a selfish person. Generosity and selflessness are not only about time and money as I naively believed. They are also about thought and opinion. I have a bad habit of thinking I'm right all the time while not giving deference to others in an argument. Though my mind works well with hard facts and clear solutions, differing opinions where there is no right answer are difficult to fathom. I feel that if I spend enough time and thought on a subject, how could I possibly be wrong with the facts to back me up? I sometimes pretend that I hear the other side of the matter, but I do not. I only hear myself. It is only later that review the argument and sometimes glean small truths that I had not paid attention to during the argument. Even then, I do not admit them to the other person. Admitting I'm wrong would be weak! It is usually to the detriment of both the other person and myself, no matter who ends up right in the end. The problem is that we did not reach an amenable conclusion and both came out wanting.
Everyone has heard of expression of "walking a mile in their shoes". I must have misunderstood that one, because what I do instead is imagine them walking a mile in my shoes. I think a lot of the reason that I don't listen is that I refuse to believe that people think completely differently from me sometimes. I can't count the number of times that someone hasn't been fond of a movie or a song I absolutely loved that didn't make me think "what is wrong with you??" They're not you. They haven't been shaped by the same experiences, influences, pains and pleasures of life. Everyone is different, why have it any other way?
How do I correct this flaw? How do I become a better person by truly listening to others' opinions and thoughts and gain an understanding into their mind? I do not expect to fully understand all the time, but I do not even listen! I've already drawn my own conclusions before words can be exchanged. It's because I think my opinions are above those of others. Like I'm the only one who's thought through the issues and can discern the truth of a matter. As I write the words, it makes me feel pathetic. I can look back at a long history of being wrong. Is it so bold to presume I can be wrong in any differing conversation I have? I start by listening with an open mind.
Because everyone has different life experiences, they all have different and unique perspectives. Mine is only one of many. I know that I have been surprised by the thoughts and likes of others. I find that when I do have an open mind to try something new, listen to a new a band, hear a new opinion, I often come out changed from the experience. We don't learn and grow from the microcosm of our own minds but through the mingling of them. If I'd do away with the lofty heights my own opinions soar to, I could hear and understand what others have to say. Why ask for them if you know you're right?
I know I'm not right all the time, I don't know why I pretend that I am. This may be my greatest character flaw in relationships; failing to pay heed to their unique thoughts, opinions, and perspectives. I won't let it be my undoing. I do believe selflessness is the greatest bond in a relationship. It's an easy thing to say. Practicing it is something I need to work on.
