I have a character flaw. One that I thought I mostly did away with, but it still creeps beneath the surface waiting to attack at the right moment. I can be a selfish person. Generosity and selflessness are not only about time and money as I naively believed. They are also about thought and opinion. I have a bad habit of thinking I'm right all the time while not giving deference to others in an argument. Though my mind works well with hard facts and clear solutions, differing opinions where there is no right answer are difficult to fathom. I feel that if I spend enough time and thought on a subject, how could I possibly be wrong with the facts to back me up? I sometimes pretend that I hear the other side of the matter, but I do not. I only hear myself. It is only later that review the argument and sometimes glean small truths that I had not paid attention to during the argument. Even then, I do not admit them to the other person. Admitting I'm wrong would be weak! It is usually to the detriment of both the other person and myself, no matter who ends up right in the end. The problem is that we did not reach an amenable conclusion and both came out wanting.
Everyone has heard of expression of "walking a mile in their shoes". I must have misunderstood that one, because what I do instead is imagine them walking a mile in my shoes. I think a lot of the reason that I don't listen is that I refuse to believe that people think completely differently from me sometimes. I can't count the number of times that someone hasn't been fond of a movie or a song I absolutely loved that didn't make me think "what is wrong with you??" They're not you. They haven't been shaped by the same experiences, influences, pains and pleasures of life. Everyone is different, why have it any other way?
How do I correct this flaw? How do I become a better person by truly listening to others' opinions and thoughts and gain an understanding into their mind? I do not expect to fully understand all the time, but I do not even listen! I've already drawn my own conclusions before words can be exchanged. It's because I think my opinions are above those of others. Like I'm the only one who's thought through the issues and can discern the truth of a matter. As I write the words, it makes me feel pathetic. I can look back at a long history of being wrong. Is it so bold to presume I can be wrong in any differing conversation I have? I start by listening with an open mind.
Because everyone has different life experiences, they all have different and unique perspectives. Mine is only one of many. I know that I have been surprised by the thoughts and likes of others. I find that when I do have an open mind to try something new, listen to a new a band, hear a new opinion, I often come out changed from the experience. We don't learn and grow from the microcosm of our own minds but through the mingling of them. If I'd do away with the lofty heights my own opinions soar to, I could hear and understand what others have to say. Why ask for them if you know you're right?
I know I'm not right all the time, I don't know why I pretend that I am. This may be my greatest character flaw in relationships; failing to pay heed to their unique thoughts, opinions, and perspectives. I won't let it be my undoing. I do believe selflessness is the greatest bond in a relationship. It's an easy thing to say. Practicing it is something I need to work on.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Emotional Impact of Music
It was suggested to me by a friend that my next blog be about music. I thought about making a top 10 list or critiquing an album, but instead I decided on a slightly different theme. The list you're about to read isn't a list of my favorite songs, but a list of a songs that make me feel something strongly. The best way to read this particular blog is to actually click and listen to the songs I talk about. Try it, you might like it.
Though the lyrics don't say much to me, this song reminds me of how insane and senseless the world can be sometimes. The simplicity of a voice, a piano, and a cello express so much with so little.
Love is not a feeling to feel, but a promise to keep. A broken promise creates a broken heart. A broken heart can hold no promises.
Sometimes, I just want to cross the line, embrace the random, feel the rhythm, and lose my self between the sounds. Just let go.
I add this with mixed emotions. I don't advocate for any religion; in truth, I wish all people could follow the golden rule without an eternal reward or condemnation to motivate them. I also wish people realized community, charity, and morality are not exclusive to religion but can be practiced by all. That being said, this is not a blog about religion so I'll get off my soapbox.
To me, this song represents the ideal of worship and faith in something beyond oneself and why it's such a powerful narcotic. The song has the same pull to me now as it did when I actually had faith. It feels good to know you're redeemable and unconditionally loved by someone who can never disappoint you.
Look right through me, look right through meCongratulations - Blue October
Love is not a feeling to feel, but a promise to keep. A broken promise creates a broken heart. A broken heart can hold no promises.
I came to see the light in my best friendYou can't live in the past and let your dead memories stop you from letting go.
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. him.
My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart
We were never alive, and we won't be born again.Ok, so this is one of my favorite songs. It represents my tendency to predict, analyze, and extrapolate possible paths in my social interactions with people. Given limited data, I fill in outcomes and apply contingencies well before they've happened due to my pessimistic nature. After a single romantic encounter, I'm already imagining all of the possibilities and protecting myself from the negative ones.
But I'll never survive with Dead Memories in my heart.
Sometimes, I just want to cross the line, embrace the random, feel the rhythm, and lose my self between the sounds. Just let go.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagineHonestly, I really like belting this song out when I hear it. It gives me intense feelings; I'm just not sure why.
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.
Passive aggressive bullshitFor those that don't know, this is a Christian band that I used to listen to a lot back in the day. Though I've given up on Christian music as a whole, Jars of Clay certainly captures why a lot of people come to religion in the first place. When all hope is lost and you're drowning in a sea of despair, the only thing you desperately long for is a hand to reach down and save you.
My world is a floodAnd on that note, Jars of Clay gets two entries.
Slowly I become one with the mud
I add this with mixed emotions. I don't advocate for any religion; in truth, I wish all people could follow the golden rule without an eternal reward or condemnation to motivate them. I also wish people realized community, charity, and morality are not exclusive to religion but can be practiced by all. That being said, this is not a blog about religion so I'll get off my soapbox.
To me, this song represents the ideal of worship and faith in something beyond oneself and why it's such a powerful narcotic. The song has the same pull to me now as it did when I actually had faith. It feels good to know you're redeemable and unconditionally loved by someone who can never disappoint you.
So steal my heart and take the painOh yeah, that just happened. Naysayers be damned [*Chris]. This song makes me feel good about life and I can't say that many songs put me in a great mood. Fireflies makes me want to dance in the rain, gaze at the stars, and imagine a better future as the planet earth turns slowly. Haters gonna hate.
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
Cause I'd get a thousand hugsWhat music emotionally charges you?
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Online Dating: The Art of Wooing Women over the Internet
I've been on online dating sites for some time now and though I've been only been on like 1.5 dates in my life (most of my girlfriends started as friends), I feel like I could run circles around some of the guys I see posting on these sites. I've recently gotten some good insight from a friend I met through one of the dating sites who regularly tells me about her crazy dates and some of the messages she gets. They're surreal to say the least.
For shits and grins, I decided to post a few messages from anonymous males and critique them hopefully to the pleasure of all. Unfortunately, some of the messages will reference profiles or information about the person. You'll have to fill in the missing details for yourself. My comments will be in bold.
I'm going to guess that your netflix queue doesn't compare to mine. <I'm also going to guess you don't really give a shit about my netflix queue> I once had 225 movies in my queue. I've recently cut it down to 186. :( <seriously?? no comment> I've also rated over 1700 movies. I have a life seriously! <no, I don't> I just really enjoy movies. <and never dating> Netflix has finally gotten to the point where it can suggest a movie to me that I haven't already seen and will probably like. <enough with netflix fanboy> Although, I have to admit I'm more mainstream than you are as far as movie choices go. <meaning it wasn't in my list of 1700 movies> At least with our favorites. So if you had one movie to suggest to a semi-random stranger (which I am) <you don't say> that I probably wouldn't find in Blockbuster, what would it be? I completely agree with you about their selection too. I have a love/hate relationship with Blockbuster, but that's another story. <not one you'll ever want to hear>
Lastly, <are you writing an essay for English class??> I have to admit if I wasn't so fascinated with computers when I was younger, I probably would have studied psychology. I really enjoy figuring out what makes people tick. <and why I can't get a date> Especially those that most would consider aberrations to society. <translation: I dig insane people> I would love to pick your brain about the subject. <if you don't file a restraining order first>
Ok well, I think I'm done writing for the time being. <Thank goddddd> I hope to hear from you soon. <don't hold your breath>
Where did this guy go wrong? Where _didn't_ he go wrong? Monotonous subjects, message was entirely too long, overly formal, and he geeked out too early and too often. I bet the entire message wasn't even read. Let's hope the next guy has more of a clue.
Message 2:
Subject: Life, the Universe, and Everything
Hi,
I just read your profile and I find you fascinating, <hur hur, you're hot> so I thought I'd write. First, I'd like to ask what attracts you to being a midwife? That must easily be in the top three oldest professions. <right behind prostitution!> It's an interesting career, so I was curious what compels you toward it. <I'm willing to bet it's not the money>
You said you're "smart as needed/appropriate", what do you mean by that exactly? I assume a couple of things, but would rather ask you instead of wonder. <I assume you're not really smart, but I want clarification>
Given a "small adventure" you've never done but always wanted to, what would that small adventure be and why haven't you done it yet? <nice icebreaker, hopefully you're quoting her profile?>
Well, I won't deluge <let's keep the esoteric vocabulary out of the first message mmmk? besides inundate is a better word /vocab nerd> you with any more questions just yet, but I wanted to get to know you better and what better way right. <than an actual date!>
As to questions about me, I'm sure you could come up with plenty because my profile isn't exactly normal right now. <neither am I> So ask me anything, and I mean anything and I will answer honestly as much as you are comfortable. <are you getting creeper vibes yet, honey?>
Hope to hear from you soon, <if I haven't scared you off yet>
Alright, this guy has a shorter message, but still pretty wordy. He did put a decent icebreaker question and could have ran with just that and a couple of witty remarks about her profile, but unfortunately didn't quite go in that direction. He's better off than the first guy, but not by much.
Message 3:
Subject: short and sweet, promise
I'm going to just come right out and say it. You're beautiful and have a fascinating personality at least from what I can tell of your profile. <finally, a little honesty - how about "I heart your face off"> Now the one question I have is, why is it that you've been single for so long? <what I meant to say was...WTF is wrong with you??> You seem approachable and nice. <you're a stuckup bitch aren't you, I bet that's it> There has to have been guys that have had the gumption to ask you out. <"has to have been" and "gumption" /fail>
So that's my one question for now. If you happen to read this through all of the chuckle heads <including me> that have no doubt messaged you with "hey, what's up? want to hang out?", I hope you find this message. <though it's not short or sweet as I promised> As for my profile, well let's call it a satire/social experiment. Feel free to ask me anything, I'm quite open. <can't you already tell?>
Looking forward to hearing from you. <in my fantasies>
This guy is just trying too hard and it shows. The message is honest and thoughtful, but dull and leaves no mystery. On the plus side, only two paragraphs!
For shits and grins, I decided to post a few messages from anonymous males and critique them hopefully to the pleasure of all. Unfortunately, some of the messages will reference profiles or information about the person. You'll have to fill in the missing details for yourself. My comments will be in bold.
Message 1:
Hi. Hmm, that really wasn't that difficult after all. <I typed some letters, hurray!> From what I gathered from your profile, it looks like a lot of idiots message you every day. <and I am one of them>. I suppose that's part of the problem with these sites. Hopefully, you don't automatically toss mine because I must say I'm intrigued by some of the stuff you wrote. <translation: you're hot> First, what exactly is an "emotionally nutritious" life? I've tried to speculate, but I can't seem to come up with anything that would fit into that analogy. <truthfully, I'm just glad you could spell nutritious>I'm going to guess that your netflix queue doesn't compare to mine. <I'm also going to guess you don't really give a shit about my netflix queue> I once had 225 movies in my queue. I've recently cut it down to 186. :( <seriously?? no comment> I've also rated over 1700 movies. I have a life seriously! <no, I don't> I just really enjoy movies. <and never dating> Netflix has finally gotten to the point where it can suggest a movie to me that I haven't already seen and will probably like. <enough with netflix fanboy> Although, I have to admit I'm more mainstream than you are as far as movie choices go. <meaning it wasn't in my list of 1700 movies> At least with our favorites. So if you had one movie to suggest to a semi-random stranger (which I am) <you don't say> that I probably wouldn't find in Blockbuster, what would it be? I completely agree with you about their selection too. I have a love/hate relationship with Blockbuster, but that's another story. <not one you'll ever want to hear>
Lastly, <are you writing an essay for English class??> I have to admit if I wasn't so fascinated with computers when I was younger, I probably would have studied psychology. I really enjoy figuring out what makes people tick. <and why I can't get a date> Especially those that most would consider aberrations to society. <translation: I dig insane people> I would love to pick your brain about the subject. <if you don't file a restraining order first>
Ok well, I think I'm done writing for the time being. <Thank goddddd> I hope to hear from you soon. <don't hold your breath>
Where did this guy go wrong? Where _didn't_ he go wrong? Monotonous subjects, message was entirely too long, overly formal, and he geeked out too early and too often. I bet the entire message wasn't even read. Let's hope the next guy has more of a clue.
Message 2:
Subject: Life, the Universe, and Everything
Hi,
I just read your profile and I find you fascinating, <hur hur, you're hot> so I thought I'd write. First, I'd like to ask what attracts you to being a midwife? That must easily be in the top three oldest professions. <right behind prostitution!> It's an interesting career, so I was curious what compels you toward it. <I'm willing to bet it's not the money>
You said you're "smart as needed/appropriate", what do you mean by that exactly? I assume a couple of things, but would rather ask you instead of wonder. <I assume you're not really smart, but I want clarification>
Given a "small adventure" you've never done but always wanted to, what would that small adventure be and why haven't you done it yet? <nice icebreaker, hopefully you're quoting her profile?>
Well, I won't deluge <let's keep the esoteric vocabulary out of the first message mmmk? besides inundate is a better word /vocab nerd> you with any more questions just yet, but I wanted to get to know you better and what better way right. <than an actual date!>
As to questions about me, I'm sure you could come up with plenty because my profile isn't exactly normal right now. <neither am I> So ask me anything, and I mean anything and I will answer honestly as much as you are comfortable. <are you getting creeper vibes yet, honey?>
Hope to hear from you soon, <if I haven't scared you off yet>
Alright, this guy has a shorter message, but still pretty wordy. He did put a decent icebreaker question and could have ran with just that and a couple of witty remarks about her profile, but unfortunately didn't quite go in that direction. He's better off than the first guy, but not by much.
Message 3:
Subject: short and sweet, promise
I'm going to just come right out and say it. You're beautiful and have a fascinating personality at least from what I can tell of your profile. <finally, a little honesty - how about "I heart your face off"> Now the one question I have is, why is it that you've been single for so long? <what I meant to say was...WTF is wrong with you??> You seem approachable and nice. <you're a stuckup bitch aren't you, I bet that's it> There has to have been guys that have had the gumption to ask you out. <"has to have been" and "gumption" /fail>
So that's my one question for now. If you happen to read this through all of the chuckle heads <including me> that have no doubt messaged you with "hey, what's up? want to hang out?", I hope you find this message. <though it's not short or sweet as I promised> As for my profile, well let's call it a satire/social experiment. Feel free to ask me anything, I'm quite open. <can't you already tell?>
Looking forward to hearing from you. <in my fantasies>
This guy is just trying too hard and it shows. The message is honest and thoughtful, but dull and leaves no mystery. On the plus side, only two paragraphs!
Message 4:
Subject: Do you have something against the colorblind?? <at least it will grab her attention>
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Cognitive Dissonance
When I first thought of naming this blog, the name that came to mind was "cognitive dissonance". Put simply, it's being at odds with yourself for having two different conflicting opinions about something. My life has been a series of cognitively dissonant chapters and I thought it was a terse description of me. Unfortunately, someone else felt the same way, so I had to go with a slightly different yet still tersely descriptive of my personality.
I'm sitting here tonight feeling conflicted. I've been conflicted before which usually precedes a major change in my life. I was conflicted in religion. I was conflicted in desires. I was conflicted in love. In each event, I attempted to achieve a kind of inner harmony by choosing a side and ending the internal debate.
In religion, I freed my mind from preconceptions and started over by thoroughly examining my beliefs and attempted to provide evidence for or against them. What started as a quest to follow the real "righteous path" so to speak, ended with breaking my beliefs down to a basic underlying foundation that wore away everything I grew up to believe in. It made me a better person, a less judgmental, more universally tolerant person, yet a man who puts my faith in reason and logic. I try not to destroy other's beliefs, but I will challenge them if they're intolerant, verifiably false, or unfounded.
In desire, I fought between the idea of a long-term monogamous relationship in my early 20's and the idea of "playing the field" and "sowing my wild oats". Over time, that internal struggle ended with me making poor decisions and hurting the one person in my life least deserving of it. At the time, I somehow justified my actions to the point I didn't even feel guilty about it, like it was all part of my biological nature and I couldn't fight it. In reality, I was just a giant asshole who couldn't decide who he wanted to be and made a cherished person pay for it in the process. When I got my chance to be "free", I quickly found it was nothing like the fantasy I had built in my head. Sad as it is to say, I believe I had pop that fantasy bubble to move on to become a man capable of having a real, monogamous and loving relationship. I never got the chance.
In love, I realized I made many mistakes and I didn't want to make another. I wanted everything to be right. I wanted to correct my wrongs and I wanted to prove I was worthy of full trust again. I wanted to prove to myself that I had a singular purpose. That purpose would be to pursue a healthy relationship eventually leading to marriage and leave the rocky past behind. By the time I had my shit together, it was too late.
So I watched my dream slowly drift away, at first in the span of minutes, and then days, and then weeks until I finally lost track of the time. I kept hope alive until the bitter end. As time went on, I kept telling myself that I still had a chance, that I could fix the mistakes I made and fulfill her heart's every want. I concocted another fantasy that I'd eventually have to pop.
I don't know when it happened. I didn't just wake up one day and say "I'm okay now." I always worried just how badly I'd flip my shit when I'd find out she was engaged to the other guy. I tried preparing for it, I tried numbing myself to it, I tried hating her, I tried prayer, I tried forgetting about her by pursuing other relationships (both casual and serious), I tried nearly everything (legal).
Then one day I received a phone call from my best friend who was acting a bit odd. He was wondering about my sanity too, but he didn't know that I didn't know. Within about 30 seconds of the conversation starting, I knew what he was about to say. "Have you been on facebook today?" The time had come and I remember doing a self-check. Am I okay? Did the air just leave the room? Has the other shoe dropped? How do I feel about all of this? While still on the phone, I confirmed what he called about and an eerie calm came over me. It's finally over. I can let her go. She found the right person and despite my fantasies, I wasn't him. I don't know if I ever could have been with our history. I'd still like to believe so though if the story was written differently.
So, here I am tonight looking through her wedding pictures with mixed emotions. I realize that though I can't be her man, the one she loves unconditionally and without reservation, that perhaps I can be that man for another. Someone with whom I've never lied to, never broken a trust, never crossed a line with. I want to finally prove that I can be a man worth loving.
Aye, but there's the rub. The reason I've talked so long about my history with cognitive dissonance. Though I'd like to be in another relationship now and ready to be in one, I'm afraid to be hurt pursuing one. I'm afraid to get hurt, hurt someone else, or fall in love with someone who doesn't feel the same toward me. This conflict has kept me on the sidelines in regard to dating because I can't seem to get past it. I try to act like it's something else keeping me from dating. When I get my invisalign done, I'll go on a date. When my house is furnished, I'll go on a date. When hell freezes over, I'll go on a date. Eventually one of the ideas must win out. Either I give up thinking about relationships and live in relative safety knowing my emotional well being will never be compromised, or I put it all on the line knowing the journey is going to be difficult, yet thoroughly satisfying, when I get to the end of the road.
All I know now is that time is running out; the days get shorter with every passing year. I don't want to be in my forties by the time I find the love of my life. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life.
Where is my catalyst?
I'm sitting here tonight feeling conflicted. I've been conflicted before which usually precedes a major change in my life. I was conflicted in religion. I was conflicted in desires. I was conflicted in love. In each event, I attempted to achieve a kind of inner harmony by choosing a side and ending the internal debate.
In religion, I freed my mind from preconceptions and started over by thoroughly examining my beliefs and attempted to provide evidence for or against them. What started as a quest to follow the real "righteous path" so to speak, ended with breaking my beliefs down to a basic underlying foundation that wore away everything I grew up to believe in. It made me a better person, a less judgmental, more universally tolerant person, yet a man who puts my faith in reason and logic. I try not to destroy other's beliefs, but I will challenge them if they're intolerant, verifiably false, or unfounded.
In desire, I fought between the idea of a long-term monogamous relationship in my early 20's and the idea of "playing the field" and "sowing my wild oats". Over time, that internal struggle ended with me making poor decisions and hurting the one person in my life least deserving of it. At the time, I somehow justified my actions to the point I didn't even feel guilty about it, like it was all part of my biological nature and I couldn't fight it. In reality, I was just a giant asshole who couldn't decide who he wanted to be and made a cherished person pay for it in the process. When I got my chance to be "free", I quickly found it was nothing like the fantasy I had built in my head. Sad as it is to say, I believe I had pop that fantasy bubble to move on to become a man capable of having a real, monogamous and loving relationship. I never got the chance.
In love, I realized I made many mistakes and I didn't want to make another. I wanted everything to be right. I wanted to correct my wrongs and I wanted to prove I was worthy of full trust again. I wanted to prove to myself that I had a singular purpose. That purpose would be to pursue a healthy relationship eventually leading to marriage and leave the rocky past behind. By the time I had my shit together, it was too late.
So I watched my dream slowly drift away, at first in the span of minutes, and then days, and then weeks until I finally lost track of the time. I kept hope alive until the bitter end. As time went on, I kept telling myself that I still had a chance, that I could fix the mistakes I made and fulfill her heart's every want. I concocted another fantasy that I'd eventually have to pop.
I don't know when it happened. I didn't just wake up one day and say "I'm okay now." I always worried just how badly I'd flip my shit when I'd find out she was engaged to the other guy. I tried preparing for it, I tried numbing myself to it, I tried hating her, I tried prayer, I tried forgetting about her by pursuing other relationships (both casual and serious), I tried nearly everything (legal).
Then one day I received a phone call from my best friend who was acting a bit odd. He was wondering about my sanity too, but he didn't know that I didn't know. Within about 30 seconds of the conversation starting, I knew what he was about to say. "Have you been on facebook today?" The time had come and I remember doing a self-check. Am I okay? Did the air just leave the room? Has the other shoe dropped? How do I feel about all of this? While still on the phone, I confirmed what he called about and an eerie calm came over me. It's finally over. I can let her go. She found the right person and despite my fantasies, I wasn't him. I don't know if I ever could have been with our history. I'd still like to believe so though if the story was written differently.
So, here I am tonight looking through her wedding pictures with mixed emotions. I realize that though I can't be her man, the one she loves unconditionally and without reservation, that perhaps I can be that man for another. Someone with whom I've never lied to, never broken a trust, never crossed a line with. I want to finally prove that I can be a man worth loving.
Aye, but there's the rub. The reason I've talked so long about my history with cognitive dissonance. Though I'd like to be in another relationship now and ready to be in one, I'm afraid to be hurt pursuing one. I'm afraid to get hurt, hurt someone else, or fall in love with someone who doesn't feel the same toward me. This conflict has kept me on the sidelines in regard to dating because I can't seem to get past it. I try to act like it's something else keeping me from dating. When I get my invisalign done, I'll go on a date. When my house is furnished, I'll go on a date. When hell freezes over, I'll go on a date. Eventually one of the ideas must win out. Either I give up thinking about relationships and live in relative safety knowing my emotional well being will never be compromised, or I put it all on the line knowing the journey is going to be difficult, yet thoroughly satisfying, when I get to the end of the road.
All I know now is that time is running out; the days get shorter with every passing year. I don't want to be in my forties by the time I find the love of my life. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life.
Where is my catalyst?
Monday, November 22, 2010
Persephone
As some of you already know, one of my cats abruptly died on Friday. She was lethargic and hadn't eaten anything all of Thursday, so I became worried about her. I brought her in first thing on Friday morning and the vet told me she was running a fever. I left her there for tests and told them I'd come and pick her up that afternoon. After a couple of hours, I received a phone call from the vet with "tragic news". He proceeded to tell me that she started developing respiratory issues and they had to incubate her. Some time afterward, she went into cardiac arrest and they attempted to resuscitate her. The vet didn't know what was wrong and asked permission to do a necropsy. I haven't heard back on the results of that yet.
Persephone was only with me for a few months. I adopted her when she was about 8 months old. She was semi-feral when they brought her in, spayed her, and set her up for adoption. I chose her because she was a playful and curious cat who lit up when I put my fingers in her cage. She took to her new home very quickly and within a day was prancing about like she owned the place. And she did, a place in my heart.
I remember a lot of little things about her. I remember how high she could jump but how poorly she landed. She learned to swat food right out of my hand when she wanted it, and she would have an entire bag of my beef jerky in her mouth and off the couch faster than I could react. She also learned how to jump up on my banister (a good 36-inch jump) and it became her queen of the jungle perch. She chirped but rarely meowed. She could stand up on her hind legs if she wanted to. She used my fish tank as an interactive television. She always sat next to me on the couch while watching tv and slept at the foot of my bed most nights. I really miss her.
I cried when I found out she died. I mean I really lost it as soon as I got to my car. It was a rough day. Some people may make light of a person's affection for their animals, but don't underestimate that affection. I think in some ways animals can be closer to you than people. They'll never hurt you, they're always by your side, they don't judge you, and you'll always be their daddy or mommy. It's been a rough couple of years for me and adopting my two kitties helped get me through a lot of it. It's hard to feel lonely and unloved when you have a purring kitty in your face vying for your attention!
People go through grief in different ways and at different paces. Though I'm not through my paces yet, I am thinking of adopting another cat. I don't know if it's too soon or how Isis will react to her, but I know she senses the loss of her friend. I always wanted two in the house to take care of each other when I wasn't around.
When I think about her short life, it gives me comfort to know that her life was better when it came into mine. I know a cat has simple needs, but I think she had a pretty good life while she was with me. I think I can bring that same happiness to another cat without a home.
When I'm ready.
Persephone was only with me for a few months. I adopted her when she was about 8 months old. She was semi-feral when they brought her in, spayed her, and set her up for adoption. I chose her because she was a playful and curious cat who lit up when I put my fingers in her cage. She took to her new home very quickly and within a day was prancing about like she owned the place. And she did, a place in my heart.
I remember a lot of little things about her. I remember how high she could jump but how poorly she landed. She learned to swat food right out of my hand when she wanted it, and she would have an entire bag of my beef jerky in her mouth and off the couch faster than I could react. She also learned how to jump up on my banister (a good 36-inch jump) and it became her queen of the jungle perch. She chirped but rarely meowed. She could stand up on her hind legs if she wanted to. She used my fish tank as an interactive television. She always sat next to me on the couch while watching tv and slept at the foot of my bed most nights. I really miss her.
I cried when I found out she died. I mean I really lost it as soon as I got to my car. It was a rough day. Some people may make light of a person's affection for their animals, but don't underestimate that affection. I think in some ways animals can be closer to you than people. They'll never hurt you, they're always by your side, they don't judge you, and you'll always be their daddy or mommy. It's been a rough couple of years for me and adopting my two kitties helped get me through a lot of it. It's hard to feel lonely and unloved when you have a purring kitty in your face vying for your attention!
People go through grief in different ways and at different paces. Though I'm not through my paces yet, I am thinking of adopting another cat. I don't know if it's too soon or how Isis will react to her, but I know she senses the loss of her friend. I always wanted two in the house to take care of each other when I wasn't around.
When I think about her short life, it gives me comfort to know that her life was better when it came into mine. I know a cat has simple needs, but I think she had a pretty good life while she was with me. I think I can bring that same happiness to another cat without a home.
When I'm ready.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Top 6 discontinued foods I've loved and lost
The food industry is a merciless whore when it comes to teasing me with its comfort confections and salt-laden sins. (Yes I'm an alliterative junkie, I also like to use parens). It seems like every "for limited time only" product ever made becomes my temporary obsession only to be absconded due to a lack of customer appeal. I apparently like everything that no one else does (except for crystal pepsi. That shit just ain't right.) Below are six favorites I've loved and lost.
Outside of Lasagna, Wagon Wheels was the best HH flavor ever concocted. I've probably eaten twice my body weight of it over my lifetime until the day it just disappeared (like my six-pack abs). You might find this as a surprise, but Hamburger Helper has actually discontinued 12 different brands since its humble beginnings in 1971. * - Courtesy of Wikipedia
Oh. my. god. I first found these little delight in an Albertson's across the street from my apartment in Tulsa in 2004 I believe. It was simple, ingenious, and love at first taste. The Inside Out Kit Kat bar was just like a regular Kit Kat except the outside was white chocolate and the inside was chocolate creme with chocolate wafers. I'm pretty sure I bought out the store at least once when I found out it limited edition. As it turns out, the much lamer and less inventive white chocolate Kit Kat also started out limited edition until consumer demand made it a permanent edition to the family. I'm still waiting for a re-up, don't hold out on me, Kit Kat.
Actually, I'm not even sure if they've been discontinued, but I can't find the canned tortellinis anywhere anymore. They were the only canned pasta I ever ate. The only ones I can find are beef raviolis, cheese raviolis, overstuffed raviolis, mini-raviolis, and beefaroni. Do you know what's better than canned ravioli? If your answer was more canned ravioli, you're in luck. Maybe I don't want canned ravioli, Chef. Did you ever think of that? Maybe I wanted canned tortellini, dammit. There's a difference!
Fun fact - spaghettios.com redirects you to myslurp.com. Whoever thought up that genius name probably thought up a dozen different types of ravioli too.
Do you know what's better than thinly sliced roast beef, bacon, melted cheddar cheese, parmesan sauce, and a slice of swiss? Nothing. The Arby's Triple Cheese and Bacon was the best sandwich that's ever come out of a fast food restaurant. And I'm an expert because I worked at Arby's and I had literally everything on the menu at least twice. (This was before those disgusting onion petals became a side item). This was the sandwich that could make a vegetarian relapse, a PETA member recant, and a regular person regurgitate just to eat it again. It was that good. You can still make a double cheese and bacon if you really wanted to, but it's just not the same.
If you're above the age of 20, you probably remember the commercials (click the link) for Viennetta. It wasn't just another ice cream, it was the Rolls Royce of ice creams. The commercials always featured a refined gentleman's voiceover and an atmosphere of fine dining. In fact, it was a requirement to eat it with your pinky up in the air knowing you had climbed out of ice cream obscurity and into the lap of luxury. As it turns out, this product was only discontinued in the United States. Much like universal healthcare, legal prostitution, and college-educated citizens, we'll have to go overseas to find a good Viennetta fix.
I saved the best for last. Olive Garden's famous chocolate lasagna also known as the best dessert I've ever had in my life. (Sorry Don Pablo's chocolate volcano, you were only my mistress) Layer after layer of moist chocolate cake, butter cream, chocolate cake, butter cream, chocolate cake, butter cream, CHOCOLATE CHUNKS. I still remember the last time I had chocolate lasagna. . . .it was in Tulsa. ::sigh:: I boycotted the Olive Garden for years afterward, but admittedly I've relapsed. I still hate Olive Garden's decision to remove it from their menu though. I cannot believe it wasn't popular enough to stay. There are online petitions and facebook groups devoted to bringing it back, not to mention pages after pages of copycat recipes. I want my wedding cake to be one giant chocolate lasagna. If I had three wishes, one of them would be to have an endless supply of chocolate lasagna at my disposal. My last meal on death row would end in a chocolate lasagna.
What discontinued foods have you loved and lost?
1. Barbecue "Wagon Wheels" Hamburger Helper
"Wagon Wheels is the sheeeeeit." - Helping Hand
- Beef Romanoff (still available in Canada)
- Beef and Garlic Potatoes
- Beef Stew
- Cheddar & Broccoli
- Hash
- Macaroni & Cheese
- Meatloaf
- Pizza Bake
- Rice Oriental (Officially discontinued, but occasionally still available in some stores)
- Wild Rice & Mushrooms
- Wagon Wheels (also called "Barbecue" aka the best damn flavor ever)
- Zesty Mexican
2. Inside out Kit-Kat bars
Oh yeah, break me off a piece of that
Oh. my. god. I first found these little delight in an Albertson's across the street from my apartment in Tulsa in 2004 I believe. It was simple, ingenious, and love at first taste. The Inside Out Kit Kat bar was just like a regular Kit Kat except the outside was white chocolate and the inside was chocolate creme with chocolate wafers. I'm pretty sure I bought out the store at least once when I found out it limited edition. As it turns out, the much lamer and less inventive white chocolate Kit Kat also started out limited edition until consumer demand made it a permanent edition to the family. I'm still waiting for a re-up, don't hold out on me, Kit Kat.
3. Chef Boyardee Tortellinis
The best value for your hard earned food stamps
Fun fact - spaghettios.com redirects you to myslurp.com. Whoever thought up that genius name probably thought up a dozen different types of ravioli too.
4. Triple Cheese and Bacon - Arby's
[The perfect sandwich goes here]
I'd find a picture, but I don't want you to cry yourself to sleep over a sandwich.
Do you know what's better than thinly sliced roast beef, bacon, melted cheddar cheese, parmesan sauce, and a slice of swiss? Nothing. The Arby's Triple Cheese and Bacon was the best sandwich that's ever come out of a fast food restaurant. And I'm an expert because I worked at Arby's and I had literally everything on the menu at least twice. (This was before those disgusting onion petals became a side item). This was the sandwich that could make a vegetarian relapse, a PETA member recant, and a regular person regurgitate just to eat it again. It was that good. You can still make a double cheese and bacon if you really wanted to, but it's just not the same.
5. Viennetta
If you're above the age of 20, you probably remember the commercials (click the link) for Viennetta. It wasn't just another ice cream, it was the Rolls Royce of ice creams. The commercials always featured a refined gentleman's voiceover and an atmosphere of fine dining. In fact, it was a requirement to eat it with your pinky up in the air knowing you had climbed out of ice cream obscurity and into the lap of luxury. As it turns out, this product was only discontinued in the United States. Much like universal healthcare, legal prostitution, and college-educated citizens, we'll have to go overseas to find a good Viennetta fix.
6. Olive Garden's Chocolate Lasagna
Heaven's only dessert
I saved the best for last. Olive Garden's famous chocolate lasagna also known as the best dessert I've ever had in my life. (Sorry Don Pablo's chocolate volcano, you were only my mistress) Layer after layer of moist chocolate cake, butter cream, chocolate cake, butter cream, chocolate cake, butter cream, CHOCOLATE CHUNKS. I still remember the last time I had chocolate lasagna. . . .it was in Tulsa. ::sigh:: I boycotted the Olive Garden for years afterward, but admittedly I've relapsed. I still hate Olive Garden's decision to remove it from their menu though. I cannot believe it wasn't popular enough to stay. There are online petitions and facebook groups devoted to bringing it back, not to mention pages after pages of copycat recipes. I want my wedding cake to be one giant chocolate lasagna. If I had three wishes, one of them would be to have an endless supply of chocolate lasagna at my disposal. My last meal on death row would end in a chocolate lasagna.
What discontinued foods have you loved and lost?
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